God challenges us to speak the truth in all situations. This is a basic Christian tenet. We are not to lie under any circumstances.
“Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.” Ephesians 4:25
Who is your neighbor? Well, it is everyone . . . everywhere.
We often face situations where telling the truth would hurt the feelings of others and instead of being honest, we tell them what they want to hear. This is the most challenging part of telling the truth. As believers we struggle with the tension between kindness and honesty. We know we are supposed to be kind and we know we are supposed to be honest, but how do we combine the two when we are challenged? Some always choose kindness and some always choose honesty. Those that always choose honesty we call rude and those that always choose kindness we tend to appreciate, or we call them pushovers. This, in itself, illustrates that God purposes a good balance between honesty and kindness. Those that say that it has to be one or the other are in error. Remember what the apostle Paul said in Ephesians 4:15, “. . . but speaking the truth in love.” Our honesty can be spoken in love. Here is a common question when one is out to dinner at a restaurant, “Did you enjoy your meal?” And we usually respond, “Yes, it was good.” However, we do this even when it wasn’t. Or we tell them very plainly, “No, it wasn’t good at all.” The balance is somewhere in between. Instead, we can respond with a smile saying, “Well thank you, it wasn’t my favorite. I ordered the salad and I probably would have enjoyed the steak more.” Something to that effect. Sometimes we don’t like something because of our own choice or sometimes we go to a place and it simply isn’t a place we would usually care for and we don’t find out until experiencing it. Another way to be polite and honest is simply to smile and say, “Thank you,” without going into any details. You are thankful for their service to you. Another example is when someone gives you a gift and they ask if you like it. Depending on the closeness of your relationship this can be a very uncomfortable position if you do not like the gift they have given you. We must always speak the truth to our neighbor. We must find a polite way to thank them for the gift but tell them the truth that we do not like it. “Thank you very much. It is a very thoughtful gift” or “Thank you very much.” When you answer these questions we are weighing out several things, the hurt feelings that would come from being blunt, whether we in fact have the right attitude is another thing to weigh out. Sometimes when we don’t like something it is because we have first world problems, so to speak. We must consider the fact that there are people in the world who have little to eat, or don’t have friends that would give them a gift. If we look at everything with positivity we can come up with a reason to be grateful even if it isn’t our favorite thing.
In these situations the truth is relative to our feelings about it. Other times we are asked about facts of things that have happened or not happened. In those situation we are called upon to be honest and trust God. I want you to notice some other situations and think about them carefully. What if you are living in a totalitarian country? Government officials confront you and ask you, “where have you been?” If you are completely honest with them and say, “I was at an underground church service” then this will lead to your arrest and torture. Then if they ask who else was there and you are honest with them then it will lead to the arrest and torture and likely death of some. If we refuse to answer they will arrest and torture us. If we tell the truth then our Christian brothers and sisters will never trust us again and we will be guilty of betrayal. Or perhaps we have now become government informants and are spies. Once again, we have to weigh speaking the truth with many other Christian values. In this situation it is protecting lives that we must consider. Is it better to be silent and not answer the questions or is it better to tell a half-truth and say I was out for a walk? It would be necessary to be in the situation and pray over it ourselves to see how the Holy Spirit would lead us. You could say, “I was out for a walk” and that would be true, but it isn’t the only thing you were doing. You are concealing part of what you have done in order to save lives and not betray the trust of your brothers and sisters in Christ. It would be important to answer the way the Holy Spirit directs you.
Missionaries going into a totalitarian or Islamic country have to say why they are coming as they go through passport control. They cannot say “I’m here to preach the gospel” because they will be arrested or not allowed to enter the country. So, you have to say, “I’m here as a tourist” and then be sure to visit some tourist sites during your stay. In this case we weigh out the whole truth with the purpose God has sent us with. In these cases you are not telling outright lies, but rather concealing the entire truth in order to accomplish the purpose of God. With that said, this approach can be so dangerous and lead people to dishonesty. It might be better to simply say I’m here to visit churches and leave it at that. In one country I visited I said that I was there to visit churches and they took this to mean I was visiting the ancient historical churches as a tourist. They asked no clarifying questions at all and I was allowed to enter without any problem. God values truth and hates the lying tongue. He also hates murder and betrayal and rudeness. God commands us not to deny or betray him and this is one thing that we must sacrifice our lives for. If someone asks, “are you a Christian?” you must be fully truthful, or you are guilty of denying Christ. If we deny Christ before men then Christ will deny us before the Father.
We must be very careful on how we approach all of these situations. Each of them need to be dealt with prayerfully and not just rushing headlong into telling half-truths or valuing everything else besides honesty. The fact is, that we begin to set a precedent in our spirit that we do not always tell the truth when it is inconvenient to do so. If we do not speak the truth in the little things, it is unlikely we will speak the truth of larger issues and import. May the Lord strengthen and make sensitive again our conscience.
“The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment.” Proverbs 12:19
“Deliver my soul, O LORD, from lying lips, and from a deceitful tongue.” Psalms 120:2
“The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.” Psalms 58:3
“These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood.” Proverbs 6:16-17
God hates the lying tongue and considers it an abomination. Do not let the spirit of this age exalt kindness above honesty. We need to be polite and kind, but not apart from honesty. Lying kindness is a perversion of true kindness. Those that hate you for speaking the truth are not worthy to go by the title of friend. At the center of our struggle is the fear of men. We fear the opinion of others and the reaction of others. Our first and foremost thought should be pleasing God and the opinion of God. When we speak the truth, we gain the trust of true and genuine people who are truly worthy of the title of “friend.” Our family and even people in church might despise us for “speaking the truth in love,” but it is better to honor God with polite honesty than to dishonor him with lies.